According to Husband and wife psychologists John and Julie Gottman, there are two main traits which are vital to ensuring a long lasting relationship

The Gottmans study marriage stability and run The Gottman Institute, and have spent 30 years learning about what makes relationships last. Amazingly, this boils down to just two main traits.

Most of us believe that love is all about feelings, right? We lead with our hearts and ignore our heads, especially in those heady early days of falling in love. But in reality, it turns out there is a lot of physiology and psychology involved in falling in love and maintaining relationships. If you want to make yours last, you might want to read up on current scientific findings.

After studying hundreds of couples in a “love lab” located at the University of Washington, Gottman and his colleagues determined how to predict how long couples would stay together, with 94 percent accuracy, just by watching for certain behaviors. The two traits most important in making your relationship last: kindness and generosity.

What? That’s too simple, right? Kindness and generosity are traits taught to toddlers then reinforced throughout life. Applying them to marriage and long-term loving, intimate relationships is more complex, but the basic idea still applies.

The Gottmans talk about “masters” and “disasters” as they categorize couples. The masters have learned to apply kindness and generosity to nearly every interaction they have with their spouses, while disasters employ hostility and contempt instead.

Consider how you respond when you reconnect with your spouse after a long day. Are you genuinely interested in the events of his day, mundane or exciting? Do you attend events or meetings of companies or clubs he’s interested in, even if you’re not particularly keen on them? Do you make an effort to get to know his friends and family? Do you listen, when he tells you stories about his past or news items he’s read recently? These examples show kindness and generosity.

Another example: Your wife leaves her clothes all over the closet floor causing you to have to step over a big mess to reach your clothing. This bothers you. It’s important to remember that your spouse doesn’t have malice in mind when she does something that annoys you. Perhaps your wife had to leave quickly to get the kids to school on time or had to take an important phone call. As you discuss issues with kindness, leaving criticism out of the conversation, you show generosity by giving your loved one the benefit of the doubt.

Developing the traits of kindness and generosity in your relationship will take effort and time. It’s important to be kind not only during difficult times, like during an argument or when you feel stress, but also during the happy times, like when your spouse has success in her career or reaches an important goal. Employing kindness and generosity throughout life means you’ll be a master of your meaningful relationship with the one you love.